I'm done trying.

I needed someone last night. Anyone. But no one was there. Everyone was out partying, having a good time, and I really just needed someone to talk to. I never felt as alone as I did last night. I woke up with mixed feelings about whether I should try to care anymore, and why I couldn't have more dreams like the one I did. It wasn't one of THOSE dreams, but it did make me feel good. Too bad some dreams, like this one, won't happen in reality.

I feel like I have ADD, because I kind of got off subject there. For a sentence or two. It wasn't that I wanted someone there to tell them something, because something tragic happened. I just couldn't take being alone. I felt uncared for. Unloved. Like I was not needed in someone's life. My parent's were home, but sleeping by 10:30, and I couldn't bring in the new year with them. I have my moments where I just want/need to be alone, but last night was definitely not one of those. I even tried drinking, since it was New Years Eve and all, but it's not fun drinking alone. I felt pathetic. I wasn't invited anywhere, except for a game night. But that cancelled earlier in the day, because her little boy got sick, and had to go to the hospital. I'm not complaining about that, that's something understandable.

On another note, I know most people send out those mass 'happy/merry whatever' texts, I got two. One from my cousin, and one from a friend whom I'm not that good of a friend with. Last year I got way more than that. I'm not complaining that I didn't get massed out. I'm complaining because no one cared enough about to send me any.

It's like I'm not important anymore. Like no one cares anymore.

Then I get complaints from people, because I go to a lot of out of town concerts and I'm not in school. I'm sorry. I don't want to spend the rest of my life worrying about what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. I have at least one or two more years before I should start freaking. I'll apply for the fall classes, just calm your tits. I have to go up to the school, and talk to the counselor first. But that's kind of hard without a car. And if I take the bus I have to get to the stop at least 3 hours earlier, so it can take to a different stop, get off there, get on another bus, go across the river, get off, get on yet another bus, come back across the river, then get on the metrolink, and take that all the way to the school. And do a repeat just to get home. I don't care if I'll get a free bus/metrolink card. It'll be less of a hassle just to drive there, and it's not worth my time. It'll happen. Just calm the fuck down.